Kickstarter My Hearts

In 1993, I saw “True Romance” for the first time – a film written by Quentin Tarantino with a star-studded cast.  (If you’ve never seen it, do yourself a favor – buy the DVD, call the coolest person you know and invite them over, chill some Stella Artois, nuke some Totino’s pizza rolls, and settle onto the couch for an amazing date night.  You won’t be sorry!)

As the credits rolled, I watched the name James W Skotchdopole (Assistant Director) scroll across the screen.  My life changed in that moment.  I fell in love with a name.  I actually considered trying to find someone with that last name to marry JUST so I would be Sandi Skotchdopole!  Go ahead, say it out loud.  Admit it.  It has a fantastic ring to it!

With a name like Sandi Skotchdopole, I knew I would have to own my own business.  As it happened, I had always loved Apothecaries.  Not only do they always smell of earthy goodness, mystical candles, exotic incense and, always, Patchouli… but the very word has FIVE syllables!  I had my answer.  I would someday be the proud owner of “Skotchdopole’s Apothecary”.

Five years later, I was still no closer to my dream, but my second daughter* is born.  At age 9, she introduced me to the wonderful world of “Phineas and Ferb” (2007 – 2015, and possibly the best animated musical comedy television series ever).  One of the characters is named Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz.  I fell in love for the second time.  I knew I had to partner up with someone named Doofenshmirtz when I opened my Apothecary.

But did I really need two people for one Apothecary?  Not really.  And by this time, I had an affinity for bees.  So it only made sense that my future business should grow to include an apiary.  15 years later, my business plan had become “Skotchdopole and Doofenshmirtz Apothecary and Apiary”.

In the fall of 2008, I found myself on the road to our vacation home in Missouri.  As the breathtaking autumn scenery of Arkansas sped past my window, a sign appeared ahead:

John Paul Hammerschmidt Highway.

Could this be happening?  Three loves in a lifetime?  I picked up the phone to call my oldest daughter*.  I felt dizzy, but my vision was clear.  One can’t have bees without birds.  I told her I knew what my future business would be:

“Skotchdopole, Doofenshmirtz and Hammerschmidt’s Apothecary, Apiary and Aviary”

I know you are saying that out loud right now.  People within earshot are, no doubt, impressed.

I think hiring employees will be simple.  They must be able to have two martinis at lunch, and then answer the phone with a cheery, “It’s a great day at Skotchdopole, Doofenshmirtz and Hammerschmidt’s Apothecary, Apiary and Aviary!  How may I help you?”

Now, does anyone know how to create a Kickstarter? It’s been 25 years, and I’m READY!

*For future blogs: My youngest daughter will be referred to as Doofenshmirtz, and my oldest daughter will be referred to as Skotchdopole.