I’ve spent most of July in New York City. Here’s some stuff.
Humidity isn’t just a type of weather here. It IS the weather here. By day 3, my hair had descended into the 7th circle of frizz hell. After purchasing 3 different conditioners, and nearly breaking a nail while trying to get a comb through my hair, I finally gave up and decided that:
Frizzy is a more than just a hair style. It’s a life style. A state of mind. Embrace it.
A shower is required after doing laundry in the dungeon.
Dungeon – shared space with creepy and crawly. Go with it.
Learn to love tap water.
Don’t ask too many questions about street fruit.
When walking on the street, and you smell something bad, just keep moving. It will get better. Or worse. But standing still and wondering about it is never a good thing. Same goes for pockets of hot, sweaty air. Don’t ask. Just hold your breath and move along.
I know I’ve said it before, but I feel it needs to be said again. Someone on a bicycle WILL kill you. Don’t worry about it being embarrassing however. Literally NO ONE will notice the fire truck, two ambulances, and four police vehicles blocking the street. No one. (side note: I began this blog before dinner. While walking home from dinner this evening, I was almost hit by a guy on a bicycle ON THE SIDEWALK!)
Maybe it’s a construction site, or maybe it’s a gypsy pop-up club in the middle of SoHo. Canceled reservations can get you Malik’s personal cell number, which gets your name on the guest list for another night (and 50% off!). Kyle will tell you that they are only here for the summer, and then they will pop up in Miami. After that, Honduras? Anyway, get the grilled avocado and quesadilla. You won’t be sorry.
Never trust the bottom of your shoes.
Edgar (the cat) randomly turns the air conditioner on and off. And never at the appropriate times.
Making the bed if you live alone in a NYC apartment requires stretching, a basic understanding of yoga, calisthenics, shoes with suction cups, rappelling gear, a fire escape and the assistance of a kind stranger. Afterward, a couple Advil and a stiff drink is required.
Looking for solid entertainment on the cheap? Hail a cab at Bryant Park (don’t actually GO to Bryant Park, as this is the most lame park out of all the NYC parks) around 5:30 pm and drive 6 blocks in any direction (this will take about an hour). Keep your camera ready. The swarms of people on the corners and in the crosswalks are a blend of tourists and locals. The photographs and video footage will bring you years of laughter, guaranteed.