Full House

I have discovered that the summer after becoming an Empty Nester is delightful!

I could say that I never really appreciated having noisy kids over at the house, but that would be a lie.  I always loved it, and missed it when it was gone.

Someone recently asked me what I thought about having kids.  Was it worth it?  Would I do it again if I had the choice?

I admit that there are days when I want to pack a rucksack full of chocolate and airplane bottles of vodka and head to the hills.  (Actually, more like fun clothes, comfy shoes, my girlfriends and fly to Vegas.)  Either way, yeah, kid-free always has it’s place in my fantasy life.  But it doesn’t last long.

As I type this at my kitchen table, the house is quiet, and I look across the room at the door frame leading to the garage.  There is a #2 pencil ladder of marks that begin about hip-high (my grandson “H”), and graduate up past Doofenshmirtz at age 4 and top off as high as my hand can reach with her friends.  Each mark has a name and a date.  The most recent line dated last weekend.  I marked the lower ones, but the kids began marking themselves as the years went on.  If we ever sell this house, I am pulling that frame off the door and, well, framing it.  I don’t even mind the grungy shadow on the door created by years of dirty hands coming and going.

Recently, I had both my girls, my grandson, and a handful of my “bonus kids” creating a ruckus in my kitchen.  Can you DESCRIBE the ruckus, you say?  Well, I can list a few choice quotes from the night.  And I realize most will make no sense.  Feel free to create your own scenarios.  You will probably be closer than you think to what was going on.

Here they are.  Enjoy.

“Her butt is in the cheese.”

“I have empanada on my pants.”

“Did you just lick his phone?”

“He’s a serial killer.”

“What’s he compensating for?”

“Keep it in your pants Fleaher.”

“Is Cade a stripper?”

“I’m not spry.”

“Oh, he looks like he just dropped a good one!”

“Jack dies.”

“Yeah, but ‘Freebie’ is a word.”

“Brangelina is a word.  I’m pretty sure it’s an appetizer at the Greek place down the street.”

“I can’t keep a straight face right now.  One, because of what you just said.  And two, because I’ve been staring at the live-action picture of Shrek on the wall behind you this whole time.”

*I could probably write a list like this every time they come over.   Having kids may not be for everyone.  But I wouldn’t trade it for all the airplane bottles of vodka in the sky.