September 26, 2014

This blog is taken from Facebook posts and comments on a day of travel between Dallas, Texas and Virginia Beach, Virginia 4 years ago.  I was headed there to spend a quick weekend with my mom and sister.  Up until recently, I would have told you that this was typical when it comes to travel for me.  But lately…ah, nope.  I’m not going to tempt the gods of travel.  Anyway, enjoy!  (I have added a bit of narration to some of the posts)

September 26, 2014

7:00 am:  Neptune Festival in my immediate future!  (for the record, I realize that this was the Facebook post equivalent of “shots fired”.  The travel gods fell over themselves trying to get to this one.)

7:32 am:  Wow!  Love Field sure has changed!  It’s definitely bigger and more modern.  I was afraid I would miss the classic ’60’s nostalgic look.  But I really like it!  In other news, I just got publicly felt up.  Again.  My boobs really must be da bomb!

10:27 am:  On the tarmac at Oklahoma City.  Delayed.  Completely full flight.  Fuel pump issue.  And we were just told we have to take a different route, so our 2.5 hour flight will now be 3.5 hours.  Gonna miss my connection.  Thanks Southwest!   (I look back on this particular post and practically giggle.  I was upset over a measly 1-hour delay.  Again, I was tempting the gods…)  (Also, why do the airlines find it necessary to explain WHY we are delayed?  I don’t really want to know it’s a mechanical issue.  I would rather just assume the pilot got stuck in traffic, or they are busy making sure there is enough booze on board for a full, and potentially delayed flight)

1:18 pm:  About to leave Oklahoma…headed for Nashville.  Uhm… (I should mention that my sister was taking the train from DC headed toward Virginia Beach to meet me at the airport.  She had messaged me to let me know her train was running late.  She was worried she wouldn’t make it to the airport before I got there.  Travel gods actually cracked ribs while laughing over this one.)  ( I should also mention that while I was stuck in the plane on the tarmac, watching the time slip by, I was seriously considering leaving the plane -and my luggage –  and renting a car and driving back to Dallas.)

1:28 pm:  We are on the ground in Nashville.  The pilot flew like a bat out of hell to make up time.  We are getting more fuel (it turns out they couldn’t repair the fuel pump on the plane, so they had to suck all the fuel back out and just use what was in the wings…which only got us as far as Nashville.  Again, why they feel the need to TELL us these things I have no idea!)  Next stop, Baltimore!  Then, fingers crossed, VaBeach!  Heard about the mess in Chicago, so it’s actually lucky we are even getting anywhere today.  And I have to give mad props to the crew on the plane.  They’ve kept us entertained and updated as much as possible…could be worse.  We’re all in this together.  (Regarding the “mess in Chicago” comment:  some dipshit started a fire at the Air Traffic Control center, causing the cancellation of over 1,700 flights).

1:48 pm:  A picture of where I should be right now, but am not.  (see picture above)

2:12 pm:  Can’t take off now, even though the plane is ready.  The crew “timed out”, (crews are only allowed so many hours on a plane.  Why isn’t it the same for passengers?) so they are leaving the plane (weird feeling…alone on a plane.  Who will bring the Bloody Marys?) and we are getting a “fresh” crew.

2:29 pm:  Fresh crew arrives, minus a pilot (which, it seems, is important).  Turns out that on his way to the airport, he got stuck in traffic, which is backed up behind an accident caused by someone on their way to the airport.  The amount of irony here is pretty overwhelming.

2:52 pm:  Looks like if I make it to Baltimore, I could be stuck there overnight.  Bleh.  I left the house at 5 am this morning.  I could have driven farther by now.

6:23 pm:  Baltimore.  After being on a plane for 9 hours, shouldn’t I be somewhere fun? Somewhere exotic? Somewhere…ELSE?  9 HOURS!  And I’m not in Bermuda, or Hawaii, or Belgium. Bal-ti-more.

6:50 pm:  Bonus entertainment at Baltimore airport.  Suzie Chatty has been Skyping with her oh-so-cute boyfriend for the last 20 minutes.  No earphones of course, so we all get to hear BOTH sides of this super-awesome conversation.  What a treat!  (also see picture above)  She is all hair-flipping and giggling.  The collective eye-rolls from the surrounding passengers sound like thunder.

8:08 pm:  Still.  Here.

8:12 pm:  Went from coffee, to Bloody Marys (they didn’t even charge for them on the flight) back to coffee.  Haven’t had anything to eat all day but 8 pieces of sushi.  My body thinks I’m in Las Vegas.

10:05 pm:  To The Asshole Who Started The Fires In Chicago:  May all your future travels be filled with flights that are overbooked, delayed, and cancelled.  With a side of lost luggage, crying babies, sweaty fat dudes, drunk women and surly flight attendants.  May your eardrums never pop, and may the tiny toilet overflow.  And be sure to eat extra helpings of questionable airport sushi.  With absolutely no love, Disgruntled in Baltimore (still).

10:28 pm:  So… after 2 Starbucks, 6 Bloody Marys, 8 bags of peanuts, 4 flights, and 17 hours… THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!

*my sister managed to make it to the airport in plenty of time, despite her train delays.  But as we headed home from the airport, we became stuck in traffic behind not one, but TWO accidents.  Didn’t make it home until after midnight, making it officially September 27th.