PSA

If you go out in your back yard in the dark, after it rains (or the sprinkler runs, or it’s just foggy and damp because the humidity in Texas in November decides to stay at a disgusting, muggy 98%… and no, I’m not suffering from any type of seasonal disorder that causes me to eat leftover snack-size Three Musketeers bars by the handful, or maybe even snack-size Heath bars, even though I don’t care for them, or wash down Taco Bell cheese rollups with chocolate milk, or drink wine with breakfast, or… what was I saying?

Crap.

Anyway… if you drop your ring in the grass, and whip out your camera’s flashlight to look for it, know this:

The hundreds of sparkly things in the grass are not MAGICAL FAIRIE GLITTER!

They are spider eyes.

WHAT? (You may ask)

EFFING SPIDER EYES reflected in the light!

I need to know where the closest HAZMAT store is. I need a suit.

And wine.