Sneaky little emotion.
At the end of a perfectly good day, it hits. Stomachache. Headache. What is that, the flu? I’ve had my shot.
I have spent my time enjoying amazing cities. Traveling, sightseeing, talking. Busy busy, fun fun.
I have taken care of business. I have taken pictures. I have taken bites of new food. Sips of new drinks.
I have engaged in lively conversation with interesting people. I have experienced exciting new things and have spent quiet hours writing.
I am surrounded by family and friends who love me. I have a phone full of contacts I can call, and multiple social media pages where I can interact with people nearly 24 hours a day.
I brush my teeth. I brush my hair. I take a sip of water, turn the light off, stretch out and there it is. That unexplainable hollow feeling. That longing. That “it’s the end of a perfectly good day and the person I want most to experience it with me is not here” feeling.
What is that? Is it loneliness? Don’t ever Google “Is loneliness an emotion?” I warn you… even if you aren’t feeling lonely, what pops up will make you miserable.
No, it’s more basic than that. It’s sadness. And I don’t want to give it the time of day. I don’t want to feed it. I don’t want to expend any energy on it at all.
But… it’s sneaky. If I ignore it, it will be back with a vengeance.
So I take a deep breath and give in. If for no other reason than to purge it for now. The hollow spaces have filled with tears. I pull my pillow close and let them out. Every damn one. My face and hair are soaking wet. My eyes sting and my head and chest ache. But I’m done. And I’m okay.
My pillow is damp now and I pull it close again, but this time for sleep. This time for the sweetest of dreams.