I’m short. I’ve always been short. I stopped growing shortly after 5th grade. My boobs happily took up the slack. But I’ve spent my life reaching for everything.

At the grocery store, I’ve climbed lower shelves to reach items on the top shelf. I’ve gone in search of employees to grab cartons of milk beyond my reach in the refrigerator.  I had to ask for help last week while trying to reach for asparagus in a bin that was boob-height.  In this case, it wasn’t too tall…it was just short enough that my boobs prevented me from reaching across the bin.  The man who assisted me realized this, and then tried to pick me up.  *eyeroll*

While shopping for a washing machine, I came across a top-loading deep tub machine.  It was literally impossible for me to reach into the tub.  I was furious!  Now, prepare yourself, because I’m about to say something really sexist.  I’m a GIRL!  Washing machine companies should cater to me!  After all, I’ve spent half of my adult life in laundry rooms.  Instead, they have invented a “Laundry Grabber Arm Extension” for short chicks with big boobs.  Seriously?!!

Every time I cook I have to drag a step stool from cabinet to cabinet to get items off the top shelf.

I have to drag that same step stool into the laundry room to reach the detergent and I have to drag it to the bathroom to put the clean towels up.

I can barely reach two of the rods in our closets and the one in the laundry room is higher than that.

A step stool is required to reach any of the closet shelves. And forget about cleaning windows.

What’s a short chick with big boobs supposed to do?  I realized the answer.

Pole dancing! (time to get in shape!)

So, I spent an afternoon with a trainer at the gym, and when he yelled REACH, I yelled FUCK YOU!