Yin and Tonic

Gonna throw my heart out there for a moment.

Maybe if I type it out and invite the universe, it will help.

I’ve written before about the highs and lows of life happening simultaneously. I get that there needs to be some sort of yin and yang to life, but holy cow, a tiny break in between would be nice.

My wonderful residents did some very sweet things for me this week.

My youngest daughter turned 21 on Tuesday.

My oldest daughter and my grandson drove up on Tuesday and it was a lovely surprise. Although someone was missing. 😞

I had my grandson at the house all week.

7 extra souls filled my house with love and laughter, noise and dishes, video games and cookies.

I received both positive and negative news regarding the health of friends and family.

Someone I considered a friend let me down.

And tonight I’m sitting in the middle of a king-size bed, in a suite, in the Spa Tower of a casino in Oklahoma, while my youngest daughter and 6 of her friends are downstairs, playing arcade games, bowling, gambling, eating and drinking to celebrate her birthday.

For awhile, I was downstairs too. Winning and losing. And neither made me feel anything.

I bought a chocolate chip cookie the size of my head and came up the the room. Neither the cookie, nor Big Bang Theory is making me feel any better.

I am sad. And I will become sadder over the next two days. Saying goodbye is something I’ve never been good at. And every goodbye feels like a little piece of my soul disappears. Does that make sense?

My room is next to the elevator. The water is soft. There is a view of the roof. My hair smells like smoke. None of this matters.

I had an amazing textual conversation with one of my best friends, who simply asked, “What can I do?”, (knowing full well that nothing would ease the pain). ❤️

Another message from a friend sending more love and asking if there was anything she could do. ❤️

And finally a phone call with someone who cried with me on the phone and suggested I head back to the tiny cabin. Which sounded like such a good idea that I booked it. ❤️

In 7 minutes, I’m going to head downstairs to the bar and get a drink. Maybe two. Fine, probably more.

It won’t fix the sad, I know. But I need a yin and tonic to balance the yang.

One thought on “Yin and Tonic

  1. (even just the word yin….. in this way makes me a little sick, I am grateful you know why).

    With all seriousness the numbness that comes from loss is something indescribable.

    Liked by 1 person

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