9:30 pm: Arrive home (thirty minutes AFTER my pre-planned bedtime) to a house with at least 2 hours of chores waiting for me.
For those of you who are thinking, “Wow! She’s my hero!”, read on…
9:30 – 10 pm: Spend 30 uninterrupted minutes feeling sorry for myself.
10 pm – Midnight: Watch 4 back-to-back episodes of “Yard Crashers” (all the while, feeling sorry for myself for not having a water feature in my backyard)
Midnight: (for lack of time, energy and ingredients) Eat a fast dinner that will likely take 4 months to fully digest.
12:10 am: Regret not eating a salad.
12:15 am: Eat a lemon cupcake, because everyone knows that yellow frosting equals happiness. 🙂
12:20 am: Regret eating cupcake.
12:30 am: Calculate exactly how many hour of sleep I will get if I go to bed and fall asleep immediately.
12:37 am: Re-calculate.
12:45 am: Go to bed.
1 am: Recalculate from bed.
4:30 am: Wake up because I set the alarm and planned an invigorating workout. (Remember that hero comment you were muttering to yourself earlier? Again, read on…)
4:35 am: Realize that I never set my alarm. Stomach had decided to disagree with my non-salad dinner.
4:36 am: Stumble to medicine cabinet and dig around for relief.
4:37 am: Gratefully push the one remaining pink tablet through the foil package.
4:37:02 am: Watch miserably as the tablet falls (slow motion, I swear!) into the toilet.
4:37:04 am: Consider reaching into toilet…
4:37:05 am: Reconsider.
4:38 am: Realize that my facial expression must resemble Spicoli’s when Mr. Hand gave out all his pizza to the rest of the class.
4:40 am: Back to bed.
4:45 am: Try and remember Spicoli’s first name.
5 am: Vincent? Fred? Edward?
5:55 am: JEFF!!!!! (Thanks Google!)
6 am: Hit snooze button on the alarm I actually set.
6:05 am: Dog and cats call bullshit on snooze alarm.
6:06 to 7 am: Tend to three animals who have all had a nice, long, comfy sleep.
7:01 am: Decide I want to come back in my next life as a house-pet.
7:02 am: Crawl back in bed. Spell the word “reincarnate” over and over in my head.
7:30 – 8 am: Sleep. Holy cow! Dream of gardens full of weeds, and showing up at parties underdressed.
8 am: Consider spending day in bed.
8:05 am: Remember I’m supposed to meet someone at work to give them all the leftover packets of Brown Sugar that I get from Starbucks when I order my oatmeal, but forget to tell them to hold the Brown Sugar (and feel guilty that it goes to waste).
8:06 am: Shower. Wonder why I considered the only reason worth going to work was to make sure my unused Brown Sugar doesn’t go to waste.
8:07 am: Wonder why I keep capitalizing “Brown Sugar” in my head.
8:08 am: Consider therapy.
9:12 am: Arrive (late) at work. Realize I must blow off anything of real importance and get on my laptop to blog about my sleepless night in order to be able to concentrate on “real” work.
10:21 am: JEFF!!!