A One-Act Play entitled “Every Encounter, Every Time, at Every Bath & Body Works in the History of Ever”, by Sandi Stoughton Perry.
The role of Snarky Salesperson will be played by every B&BW salesperson in the history of ever.
The role of Disgruntled Customer will by played by Sandi Perry.
Snarky: Welcome to Bath and Body Works, can I help you find anything?
Disgruntled: Hi! Thank you, yes! I’m trying to find my favorite lotion “xyz” (names whatever scent is current favorite, because the previous favorite scents have all been systematically discontinued).
Snarky: (with a glint in her eye) Oh, that’s been discontinued.
Disgruntled: WHAT?!! NO!!! WHEN???
Snarky: Oh, a couple months ago. You should have been here for our clearance sale. Lots of customers stocked up when they found out it was being discontinued.
*translation: I’m enjoying your disappointment, and I think you’re a dummy.
Disgruntled: Oh man, I’m sorry I missed that! *translation: you’re a bitch, and your hair looks weird.
Snarky: You should definitely try the NEW “xyz”… it smells of freshly-showered man, success, and Christmas morning. *translation: I’m trying to win salesperson of the month, so buy it and move along.
Disgruntled: (defiantly) No! You know what? I’m done here! I can’t handle any more disappointment! I’m going to go to Victoria’s Secret! (marches for the door).
Snarky: (calls out) You know they are now owned by the same company?
Disgruntled: (falls dramatically to the floor…begins to sob).