Lately, a sponsored ad keeps popping up on my social media page. It’s an ad for some sort of magic makeup stick, and features a young girl applying it easily under her eye and below her brow. It is supposed to show a before/after look, depicting how it can hide the “I haven’t slept in days” face.
I don’t wear much makeup. And the stuff I do use, I’ve used for years. This creature of habit rarely browses makeup ads or stalks the beauty aisles. But this time, I took a second look. Then a third.
This girl was probably somewhere between 19 and 23 years old. She had healthy porcelain sunscreened skin, full brows, big doe-eyes, long thick lashes and super-glossed lips that had never seen a hint of botox.
As she swept this “magic” stick across her flawless skin, she went from looking like a young girl who had been sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber for the past 20 years, to looking like that same girl with two swipes of makeup on her face.
Dear Advertisers, why don’t you take a stab at a face like mine? Show the before picture. Wrinkles on the forehead you can kayak through and luggage under the eyes that look like a set purchased in 1912 for a trip on the Titanic. Skin with the luster of 40 years too much sun, 30 years of sleepless nights, worry, overuse of caffeine and alcohol and the general lack of anything resembling a well-balanced diet. Age spots any toddler would enjoy connecting, 16 eyelashes and two thin lines where lips should be.
How about you spackle and plump and paint that canvas? It will take more than a couple swipes of war paint, I guarantee.
I know the answer (sans the use of filters, CGI and a consultation with Tim Burton) would be NO. Because the outcome would resemble a poorly-maintained Volkswagen Beetle. And nobody wants that bobbing around on top of their neck (wrinkled or otherwise).
I will hit my remaining 16 eyelashes with some Great Lash (some days black, other days blue) and dab some Carmex on my lips. The rest of my face will stay naked.
My laugh lines are sexxy.