Phoenix must have had a Drunk Dallas Designing Women Seminar and a Douchey Dallas Dudes Golf Tournament simultaneously, and everyone was headed home on MY flight!  Before takeoff, the guy behind me starts chatting up the chick next to him, and HE clearly thinks he’s awesome.  I’m in hell. They begin talking (loudly) about the most mundane crap.  He makes a comment about raising teenagers, … Continue reading PHX -> DAL

Dear Justin, At least my toes are sexy.

Romance doesn’t flourish in exhaust-filled parking garages or bloom curbside at the airport.  Long hugs and lingering kisses are a thing of the past.  Now, they are monitored and in some cases, signs are posted regarding the amount of time allowed for public displays of affection. There used to be something special about walking off an airplane and scanning the waiting crowd until you found … Continue reading Dear Justin, At least my toes are sexy.

The Chocolate Fountain of Youth

I’ve found the fountain of youth.  Here are some hints for finding your way. Never eat a banana without answering it like a telephone. While gargling, release your inner Chewbacca. When someone asks, “What’s up?”, respond with, “Chicken butt.” Giggle every time someone says the word “duty”. Make duck-lips with Pringles. When walking by machinery that happens to be making a noise resembling a drum, … Continue reading The Chocolate Fountain of Youth