I had a very stressful night last night, and got less than four hours of sleep, so I was a walking zombie most of today. When I got home, I grabbed two Lindt Chocolate Truffles (because it was either those or tequila for dinner tonight). I opened one and popped it in my mouth. I unwrapped the second one, but the animals were needing attention … Continue reading Great Balls of Lindt
I took my klutz status from amateur to professional in 1978. By the time I left college, I was ready for the Olympics (should a “Klutz” event ever present itself, I am certain to take the gold). I am covered in scars. But some carry more weight than others. I have a small scar on my shin from when I fell onto my best friend’s … Continue reading I Got This While Juggling Knives
Phoenix must have had a Drunk Dallas Designing Women Seminar and a Douchey Dallas Dudes Golf Tournament simultaneously, and everyone was headed home on MY flight! Before takeoff, the guy behind me starts chatting up the chick next to him, and HE clearly thinks he’s awesome. I’m in hell. They begin talking (loudly) about the most mundane crap. He makes a comment about raising teenagers, … Continue reading PHX -> DAL
Romance doesn’t flourish in exhaust-filled parking garages or bloom curbside at the airport. Long hugs and lingering kisses are a thing of the past. Now, they are monitored and in some cases, signs are posted regarding the amount of time allowed for public displays of affection. There used to be something special about walking off an airplane and scanning the waiting crowd until you found … Continue reading Dear Justin, At least my toes are sexy.
Two things about those funnel cakes. They are irresistible. And it always seems to be breezy during the Fair. So there you are, holding this heavy pastry on a paper plate that is already saturated with grease. You hold the plate with one hand while the other hand tries to “neatly” break off a bite-sized piece. But soon, all hopes of handling this in a … Continue reading Cake in Funnel Form
I’ve found the fountain of youth. Here are some hints for finding your way. Never eat a banana without answering it like a telephone. While gargling, release your inner Chewbacca. When someone asks, “What’s up?”, respond with, “Chicken butt.” Giggle every time someone says the word “duty”. Make duck-lips with Pringles. When walking by machinery that happens to be making a noise resembling a drum, … Continue reading The Chocolate Fountain of Youth
Thanks to the previous homeowner, my backyard has beautiful rose bushes. Other than pruning them a couple times a year, and feeding them banana peels, I don’t do much more than water them. April brings gorgeous blooms, but with them, swarms of aphids. These nasty little suckers plaster themselves to the buds, sucking the life out of each flower before they ever have a … Continue reading Auntie Zen