McMediocre
I have certain low expectations of fast food establishments. Don’t want to get too comfortable… Continue reading McMediocre
Category: Uncategorized
Accidentally Wonderful
So I was cleaning the cat box before bed (insert nose-wrinkle here), and I open the garage door to head out to the trash can. Warm, almost-humid air greets me, and suddenly the song “Southern Nights” by Glen Campbell comes to mind. Man, I used to hate that song. And I haven’t heard it, or thought of it in decades. But now it accidentally transports … Continue reading Accidentally Wonderful
Best If Loved By:
What if everything came stamped with an expiration date? When we were kids, we were given end-times to everything. We knew what time school let out. When summer ended. We were told what time we were leaving Disneyland, and we knew when we would graduate. Did that make us cherish our friends more? Study harder? Enjoy every minute of summer? Pay attention to the fun … Continue reading Best If Loved By:
Leaving Las Vegas
Dear Body, I’m sorry I did that to you. I mean REALLY sorry! And I realize you will take it out on me for days to come. But just for the next few hours, please don’t make me walk like a 90 year old man, and keep me from throwing up on anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Hugs Continue reading Leaving Las Vegas
Chalupa
I’m rethinking Tuesdays. Continue reading Chalupa
Victoria’s Secret Weapon
I stepped into my closet to change into my pajamas. I took off my bra, and both an earring and a piece of chocolate cake fell to the floor. You know? When I go to the carnival and try to get the loops on the bottle necks, I don’t even come close. Basketballs never hit the hoop. Wads of paper miss the trash can by … Continue reading Victoria’s Secret Weapon
Little Miss Muffett…NO!
Bean curd, cheese curd, lemon curd… They may be delicious, but “curd” just sounds gross. Continue reading Little Miss Muffett…NO!
Overheard
Overheard in a coffee house: Him: How is your coffee? Her: Hot, but bitter. Like my ex-husband. Him: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Her: Hot and sweet? Him: Without someone else’s penis in them. Continue reading Overheard
Summer Musings
I’ve spent most of July in New York City. Here’s some stuff. Humidity isn’t just a type of weather here. It IS the weather here. By day 3, my hair had descended into the 7th circle of frizz hell. After purchasing 3 different conditioners, and nearly breaking a nail while trying to get a comb through my hair, I finally gave up and decided … Continue reading Summer Musings
Feel the burn
As seen on a drinking straw wrapper in a coffee house: “Not Recommended For Use in Hot Beverages” I say if you require a warning on your straw, you deserve the burns. Continue reading Feel the burn
Random Pimientos 