I stepped into my closet to change into my pajamas. I took off my bra, and both an earring and a piece of chocolate cake fell to the floor. You know? When I go to the carnival and try to get the loops on the bottle necks, I don’t even come close. Basketballs never hit the hoop. Wads of paper miss the trash can by … Continue reading Victoria’s Secret Weapon
Bean curd, cheese curd, lemon curd… They may be delicious, but “curd” just sounds gross. Continue reading Little Miss Muffett…NO!
Overheard in a coffee house: Him: How is your coffee? Her: Hot, but bitter. Like my ex-husband. Him: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Her: Hot and sweet? Him: Without someone else’s penis in them. Continue reading Overheard
I’ve spent most of July in New York City. Here’s some stuff. Humidity isn’t just a type of weather here. It IS the weather here. By day 3, my hair had descended into the 7th circle of frizz hell. After purchasing 3 different conditioners, and nearly breaking a nail while trying to get a comb through my hair, I finally gave up and decided … Continue reading Summer Musings
As seen on a drinking straw wrapper in a coffee house: “Not Recommended For Use in Hot Beverages” I say if you require a warning on your straw, you deserve the burns. Continue reading Feel the burn
The past few days have been a whirlwind. I am so tired at this moment, but I have so much in my head. All of the words that want to find their way to my fingers and into the laptop. Maybe the words are motivated enough, that if I lay my head down on the laptop, rather than my pillow, they will fall out of … Continue reading undeserved
This is the story of how I spent the night in Six Flags Jail. What, you say? You didn’t know there was a Six Flags Jail? Well, there is. And here is the story of how I landed there. First, a little background. My biggest fear as a child was throwing up. I didn’t do it very often, so the longer I went without barfing, … Continue reading Incarceration: The Ride