The Chocolate Fountain of Youth

I’ve found the fountain of youth.  Here are some hints for finding your way.

Never eat a banana without answering it like a telephone.

While gargling, release your inner Chewbacca.

When someone asks, “What’s up?”, respond with, “Chicken butt.”

Giggle every time someone says the word “duty”.

Make duck-lips with Pringles.

When walking by machinery that happens to be making a noise resembling a drum, tap dance your way past it.  Go full-on Steve Martin for bonus points.

If the barista at the swanky coffee house goes to pump some chocolate into your drink, and the nearly-empty bottle of Ghirardelli chocolate syrup makes a fart noise, laugh.  Loudly.

Wade into the center of the pool at your hotel in Vegas and yell, “MARCO!”  (this can end in a number of different ways.  Discuss.)

Fist-bump toddlers.  Buy whatever kids are selling. Sing loudly to whatever song is playing in your car…or your head.  Dance like someone IS watching…and that someone is your kid, who is mortified.  Make sure your road-trip playlist includes camp songs.  Shove Oreos or marshmallows in your mouth and try to whistle.  Eat tiny food and pretend to be a giant.  Start a blog (ha ha!  See what I did there?)

Recently, a friend sent me a video of a chocolate fountain centrally located in an Asian Buffet.  The scene was this:  An employee was adding chocolate to the fountain.  He began by slowing pouring a few chocolate chips at a time and waiting for them to melt and blend with the rest of the chocolate.  He started adding more and more, and eventually ran out of patience and poured the whole bag in.  The entire fountain lost its mind.  It began glopping and sputtering and spewing…  it resembled an erupting septic tank in front of Barbie’s Dream House.  Had I been there, I would have had to leave.  Not because I was grossed out, but because I would have laughed sushi out of my nose, and I refuse to ruin perfectly good sushi.

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