You know how you think you look really hot, but it turns out your dress is tucked into your underwear? Continue reading Accidentally Human Part VI

Reveal parties.  We’ve all seen them. The mother-to-be opens a box filled with either pink or blue balloons to let everyone know what’s growing in their belly. So… do they make pasta-salad colored balloons? Continue reading Food Baby

I love my patio/backyard. But about a week ago, I stopped going out there because of the herds of mosquitos (if you are not from Texas, I realize they are typically referred to as a “swarm”…however, if you could SEE our mosquitos, you would understand why I use the term “herd”). I don’t want to fog, because I hate killing all the other tiny beings … Continue reading Bubble Girl

So I’m flying. For real. I’m like 30,000 feet up. (I have no idea really but that sounds impressive) And guess what? I forgot to eat today. But they serve snacks. Peanuts. And something that resembles crackers . So I’m good. I’m washing it all down with cheap whiskey and ginger ale. Also cheap. And it makes the crackers taste worse. You know, I’m not … Continue reading Drunk blogging

Sometimes I get tired of taking the high road. Being the better person is far less satisfying than putting a flaming bag of poo on someone’s front doorstep. Evil deserves flaming poo. Just saying. Continue reading There’s an emoji for that

Dear Stomach, We are sorry for your troubles, but those cherries were just too yummy! Hugs, Tastebuds Continue reading Cherry-oh!

Let me start by saying… my ONLY super power is that I can cure the hiccups. Sure, it doesn’t sound like much of a super power, but just ask anyone I’ve cured, and they’ll tell you I’m kind of a big deal. In college, people used to bring tough cases to me at my dorm, and I would cure them. (Not to brag, but the … Continue reading Hic-Hic Hooray!

Screw the Roman Numerals. Tripped going up the front steps. Turned around to see if anyone noticed, and walked into a pole. Did someone move the earth? Continue reading Accidentally Human Part 9

It’s 110 degrees outside.  In the shade.  With sauna-esque humidity. I just discovered a leftover box of Popsicles from my grandson’s last visit.  Score! I now have cherry lips, cherry teeth, a cherry tongue, cherry fingers, a small patch of cherry on my chin, little cherry drips leading into (and, conveniently, out of) the garage, and a cherry stain (ironically shaped LIKE a cherry) on … Continue reading Dripping With Dis Stain

Everyone has entertained the question, “If you could have a super power, what would it be?” I think I usually answered, “To fly.”.  And I have.  Maybe not on my own steam, but in enough planes and helicopters and roller coasters.  So I can’t complain.  But I know sometimes I answered, “Invisibility.” I recently had a fairly detailed and intimate conversation with two complete strangers … Continue reading Great Expectations