Revenge
Oh Insomnia… you BITCH! I’m gonna write your number on a bathroom stall. That’ll teach you. Continue reading Revenge
Full House
I have discovered that the summer after becoming an Empty Nester is delightful! I could say that I never really appreciated having noisy kids over at the house, but that would be a lie. I always loved it, and missed it when it was gone. Someone recently asked me what I thought about having kids. Was it worth it? Would I do it again if … Continue reading Full House
Purrfect Solution
Cats are terrific. Out of the blue, they will bring in a snake to take your mind off your troubles. Continue reading Purrfect Solution
McMediocre
I have certain low expectations of fast food establishments. Don’t want to get too comfortable… Continue reading McMediocre
Accidentally Wonderful
So I was cleaning the cat box before bed (insert nose-wrinkle here), and I open the garage door to head out to the trash can. Warm, almost-humid air greets me, and suddenly the song “Southern Nights” by Glen Campbell comes to mind. Man, I used to hate that song. And I haven’t heard it, or thought of it in decades. But now it accidentally transports … Continue reading Accidentally Wonderful
Best If Loved By:
What if everything came stamped with an expiration date? When we were kids, we were given end-times to everything. We knew what time school let out. When summer ended. We were told what time we were leaving Disneyland, and we knew when we would graduate. Did that make us cherish our friends more? Study harder? Enjoy every minute of summer? Pay attention to the fun … Continue reading Best If Loved By:
Leaving Las Vegas
Dear Body, I’m sorry I did that to you. I mean REALLY sorry! And I realize you will take it out on me for days to come. But just for the next few hours, please don’t make me walk like a 90 year old man, and keep me from throwing up on anyone who doesn’t deserve it. Hugs Continue reading Leaving Las Vegas
Chalupa
I’m rethinking Tuesdays. Continue reading Chalupa
Victoria’s Secret Weapon
I stepped into my closet to change into my pajamas. I took off my bra, and both an earring and a piece of chocolate cake fell to the floor. You know? When I go to the carnival and try to get the loops on the bottle necks, I don’t even come close. Basketballs never hit the hoop. Wads of paper miss the trash can by … Continue reading Victoria’s Secret Weapon
Little Miss Muffett…NO!
Bean curd, cheese curd, lemon curd… They may be delicious, but “curd” just sounds gross. Continue reading Little Miss Muffett…NO!
Random Pimientos 