Overheard
Overheard in a coffee house: Him: How is your coffee? Her: Hot, but bitter. Like my ex-husband. Him: I like my coffee the way I like my women. Her: Hot and sweet? Him: Without someone else’s penis in them. Continue reading Overheard
Summer Musings
I’ve spent most of July in New York City. Here’s some stuff. Humidity isn’t just a type of weather here. It IS the weather here. By day 3, my hair had descended into the 7th circle of frizz hell. After purchasing 3 different conditioners, and nearly breaking a nail while trying to get a comb through my hair, I finally gave up and decided … Continue reading Summer Musings
Feel the burn
As seen on a drinking straw wrapper in a coffee house: “Not Recommended For Use in Hot Beverages” I say if you require a warning on your straw, you deserve the burns. Continue reading Feel the burn
undeserved
The past few days have been a whirlwind. I am so tired at this moment, but I have so much in my head. All of the words that want to find their way to my fingers and into the laptop. Maybe the words are motivated enough, that if I lay my head down on the laptop, rather than my pillow, they will fall out of … Continue reading undeserved
Incarceration: The Ride
This is the story of how I spent the night in Six Flags Jail. What, you say? You didn’t know there was a Six Flags Jail? Well, there is. And here is the story of how I landed there. First, a little background. My biggest fear as a child was throwing up. I didn’t do it very often, so the longer I went without barfing, … Continue reading Incarceration: The Ride
Brown Chicken Brown Cow
Saying you read Playboy for the articles is like saying you watch porn for the soundtrack. Continue reading Brown Chicken Brown Cow
Camp Anawanna Know The Truth
Doofenshmirtz and I were reminiscing about the time I sent her to summer camp at the Flying G Ranch (local Christian camp) for horse riding lessons. She was 7. During a group meeting, one of the counselors took it upon himself to inform the kids that Santa Clause wasn’t real. (Yes, Virginia, there ARE assholes!) But this guy took a different tack than simply saying, … Continue reading Camp Anawanna Know The Truth
Accidentally Human Part VIII
Just dropped my cell phone in guacamole. Didn’t notice until I answered a call. There’s gotta be an appropriate hashtag for that… Continue reading Accidentally Human Part VIII
How Long?
So I connected my iPad to a Bose speaker via Bluetooth (I’m tech savvy like that), and put it in the bathroom so I could jam out while I showered. Maiden voyage: I chose the playlist “Purchased Songs” (which is pretty massive), and clicked “shuffle” (yes, I realized the risk, but I felt the Gods of Shuffle would be ever in my favor). I tapped … Continue reading How Long?
Nature’s Bubble Wrap
Right hand. Middle finger. Top joint. The side next to the pointer. There is a callous. I bet that if you are between the ages of 45 and death, you have a similar callous. Unless you are a lefty, so it’s on your left middle finger. Or if you were one of those weirdo kids who held their pens funny. I made fun of you … Continue reading Nature’s Bubble Wrap
Random Pimientos 