In addition to wrinkles, age spots, poor eyesight, weird creaking/cracking noises from random bones and joints, the “old-person-groan” as I rise from a sitting position, the urge to talk about the “good old days” or refer to anyone under the age of 40 as a “whippersnapper”, my 50’s have ushered in an exciting new world of lactose intolerance. For anyone who doesn’t know me, cheese … Continue reading What Did She Just Say?
Too many pots Too many pans Too many ladles Not enough hands Too many plates Too many bowls Too many glasses Not enough souls Too many spoons Too many knives Too many forks Not enough life Too many pillows Still just one sheet Too many towels What shall I eat? Not enough voices Not enough sound Where are the fingerprints Left all around? I’m cleaning … Continue reading My Nest
In 1993, I saw “True Romance” for the first time – a film written by Quentin Tarantino with a star-studded cast. (If you’ve never seen it, do yourself a favor – buy the DVD, call the coolest person you know and invite them over, chill some Stella Artois, nuke some Totino’s pizza rolls, and settle onto the couch for an amazing date night. You won’t … Continue reading Kickstarter My Hearts
After years of my friends and family encouraging me to write, and many suggesting I blog (or a blog…or to blog. Ugh, whatever), I decided I would. I kept joking about not really knowing what a blog is. Is it a noun? A verb? Both? Should it be capitalized? Where did the word come from? Considering I had no idea what I was doing, this … Continue reading 1994. Are you kidding me?
Snapchat pisses me off. But I recognize true genius when I’m slapped in the bunny-face with it. My first thought was, “I’m over 40 (okay, technically I’m over 50, but this applies to the over-40 crowd, so I feel justified using that description. Although I suppose I just shot myself in the old foot. But I digress…) so I have no business playing with this … Continue reading Fauxtography
Finding the right birthday card for a friend in prison is problematic. I stopped into Hallmark. It’s like a church (chock-full of Jesus), and there is God-music playing. It’s about 87 degrees inside (they keep the heat on year ‘round), and I’m standing in front of miles of cards. Before I can start reading, the saleslady (who is also about 87) approaches and asks … Continue reading Maximum Hallmark
My office kitty likes to sit on my desk and “make biscuits” on my arm. Unfortunately, that’s the same arm with my new tattoo. I decided a good idea would be to put “Soft Claws” on her not-so-soft claws. I successfully put ONE soft-claw on MamaKitty. I successfully freaked her out. I also successfully superglued three of my fingers together. Continue reading Sticky Fingers
My office is on a busy street with no stop sign, so speeding cars are the norm. Out of the corner of my eye, and through a side window, I spied a small, white, fluffy dog running up the street with no owner in sight. Being an animal lover, and knowing that quite a few of my residents own dogs matching this description, I abandoned … Continue reading A Dog Named Target
One of my happy places is sitting in front of Delilah while she prettifies my nails. My “old lady” hands (veiny, age spotted, arthritic) are a lost cause, so it’s the salon equivalent of putting ornaments on a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. But her hands are magic, her smile is genuine, and her humor is spot-on, so I always come out of her doors feeling … Continue reading Mood Fingers
Random Pimientos 