Having a day. Needed a distraction. Decided to Google myself. Discovered there’s a lot of stuff about me I didn’t know. Also, I may need to adjust my Christmas list. In other news: I will be drinking tonight if anyone would like to join me. Continue reading Dear Santa, I swear it wasn’t me

Started my morning off with a mango-yogurt smoothie. In lieu of fresh mango, I used some questionable frozen mango chunks. The whole thing tasted like my freezer. Continue reading Taste The Burn

I wonder what percentage of girls who are born on Nantucket choose to live their entire lives there to avoid being “once from Nantucket”? Continue reading There Once Was…

I recently returned from an extended vacation.  While unpacking the ice chest, I grabbed an unopened bottle of wine and handed it to Doofenshmirtz, thanking her for house-sitting and taking care of the animals. The next day, she came by the house to vent about a series of unfortunate events that had happened in her life.  She began to cry, and I tried to offer … Continue reading Bad Mom Move #587

Move to the South. (Sorry if that offends anyone, but I live down here, so I can say that.) Move into a small town. (Same disclaimer as above.) Move into a neighborhood surrounded by restaurants advertising “Home Cooking”. Move in with your grandma. Move the lettuce while searching for that leftover piece of pie. Move to the table closest to the buffet. Move a fork … Continue reading How To Get A Bigger Butt In 8 Moves

A One-Act Play entitled “Every Encounter, Every Time, at Every Bath & Body Works in the History of Ever”, by Sandi Stoughton Perry. The role of Snarky Salesperson will be played by every B&BW salesperson in the history of ever. The role of Disgruntled Customer will by played by Sandi Perry. *curtains open* Snarky: Welcome to Bath and Body Works, can I help you find … Continue reading A One-Act Play

Dear Pepperidge Farm, Don’t kid yourself.  If the bag has 16 Milano cookies, then a serving size is 16 cookies. Not fooled in Waxahachie Continue reading sugar high

You know all those amazing filters on Instagram and Snapchat that make your sunsets look even more amazing and your face look younger? Why can’t someone invent a filter for Facebook that instantly filters out hate and ignorance? I would really love to be able to read a post, and not have to scroll through thousands of angry idiots yelling at one another in the … Continue reading Peace